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Today, 3/23/24, marks my 12th year as a Severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) survivor. Life is different for me now and the old me is gone. I really feel as if I entered into a new world with my body responding to people, things, my surroundings, and the weather, way different than before. A lot of what I (or any other TBI survivor) deals with goes unseen. Most people don’t see the battles of a Brain Injury Survivor and all the energy that it takes for them to do one simple act; physically standing for a length of time, cleaning, pronouncing a word or trying to hold a conversation, processing information, memorizing, fatigue, preferring to be isolated from the crowd, and more. It takes a lot out of a Brain Injury Survivor. A Brain Injury is known as, “The Invisible Injury.” That makes sense. Right? You couldn’t tell I was a TBI Survivor if you were to look at me now. It’s been 12 years since my life has changed but allow me to share with you my story and about the Grace of God upon my life.

After several music rehearsals at a friend’s music studio and planning with my church band at the time, we scheduled the night of March 23, 2012, to depart from Lancaster, California, to Reno, Nevada to play at a church. There were five of us band members. We left that night and stopped at a Carl’s Junior to grab food. I fell asleep. That is all I remembered. When I awoke, I was in a hospital bed with wires attached to me and a large cast wrapped around my right arm to cover my broken wrist. It covered my whole right elbow. I was lost in figuring out, “Why was I in a hospital? What is this cast doing on my right arm? What happened?” My band and I had gone through a really bad car accident. We got hit by a semi-truck and I flew 50 feet through the car window. Out of the 5 band members, there were 3 minor and 2 major injuries. Me and another band member had the major injuries. That is still shocking to me that I flew that far. Wow. I was able to be found because of my San Francisco 49ers Jacket I wore; that is my favorite NFL team. The shocking part about my car accident was this; the doctors told my family that there were absolutely no chance for me to live again because my brain was severely damaged from the car accident. It was that or I was supposed to be dead. I was not suppose to be alive.

On Easter 2012, my family, and people around the world, prayed for me and my band because we were recovering from the car accident; some of the people around the world were ones I did not know but are extremely thankful for their prayers because I’d survived with my band. There were Facebook post and other social media post about me and my band’s car accident spreading throughout the world. I know for a fact that it was the power of prayer to God from people all over the world. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you to all the people who prayed for me and my 4 band members. I can recall the moment when I found myself again. A lot happened after I fell asleep the night we left from Carls Jr. on 3/23/12 but then I awoke in a hospital bed. I had to go through therapy for my brain and fractured back but also had surgery twice on my broken right wrist. I haven’t fully processed that I was in a car accident at the time despite all the injuries my body had suffered but one day while recovering in the hospital, everything clicked. A light came on for me. I knew where I was. I began to realize that this was an actual hospital I was in. Soon, my five senses, questions in my head about my whereabouts, doctors, and the wires attached to me suddenly came alive but at same time, I was completely lost. There were series of events that happened that I did not know of like the hospital that me and my brothers were in was over crowded. My aunty from Washington came down to see me. That seemed so weird to me now that I think of it because I can not recall what happened, what I did, and who I was with. Even to this day, I can’t. I sense that someone else was living in me when I fully realize that I was at a hospital. I don’t know who that someone was living in me at that time but it was not me. I promise. That could explain the different personalities and behaviors that I had done while recovering in the hospital. My family said I was not the same Isaac as before.

I suffered a Severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). A TBI is a sudden trauma or an outside force that causes damage to the human brain. Our body’s function signals through our brains and once it is damaged so are the functions of the body. The symptoms of a TBI include headaches, behavior problems, mood change, confusion, memory loss, lack of focus or communication, fatigue, sleeping a lot or little, blurred sight vision, etc. This describes the effects of a TBI, there is more to it, but imagine it being severe because that is what I had. The car accident caused a blow and bump to my head damaging my brain. It was as if the reset button turned on my brain because I had to restart life all over again. This part of my recovery was so confusing to me. It really was. I had to relearn everyday activities; how to talk, eat, write, move, and everything else that came with communication skills. It was really tough. I mean; it was freaking hard! It was definitely the hardest thing I ever had been through. This TBI took a lot out of me physically sucking up all of my energy just to do one thing like cleaning the backyard, moving items, or physically moving around too much. It drained a lot out of me. For reals. In my early stages of suffering a TBI, it was really hard to get through because you’re physically limited at what you can do. I get emotional sometimes when I trace back to how I lived through the beginning stages of my TBI because I cannot do what I once did before. I was young, had goals, and plans. My energy level was extremely high at the time but I could not act on it due to this scar that I have. I never want to relive those moments at all because if I do, I’ll fall into depression. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak and paralyzed by fear. I don’t know why, but I feel that. Instead, I choose to stay positive and pray to God. I trust my life with God’s promises in the Bible. I had a broken right wrist and a fractured back. All the mean while, during my early stages, my brain was healing. I was mentally triggered at everything; even the most non offensive thing I would hear from people pertaining me. I got offended at times and my emotions would get out of control. This TBI is no joke.

After I was cleared from the doctors to return home, I thought everything in life for me at that time was returned. Of course, I had physical injuries that my body suffered from but I could manage them. Right? I was 21 years old when I got into my car accident. I thought I was set to be that young busy millennial again to go look for a job, career, do music, explore the world, find a wife to have a family, meet people, but no. Returning to live with a TBI was extremely difficult and very different. I mean that with every part of my whole being. My TBI changed my life; entirely! Although I survived a Severe TBI, I did not know that I would deal with the effects of the aftermath of this brain injury. This was the most confusing and lopsided part. I remember going to the DMV to regain my driver’s license and passing a test from my doctor in order to return back to college. I remember going to the DMV and forgetting the waiting lines that existed and my ticket number projected on the screen telling me where to go. My parents let me go by myself to help me get back into the flow of how things used to be for me because I was independent. I could do things on my own. I relied on myself a lot before my car accident but not anymore. Luckily we lived down the street from the DMV. I can just walk there. Everything to me went by super fast at the DMV; the employees, people, the sound of typing keyboard, and people yelling. I was completely lost, nervous, worried, frightened if I missed my DMV number, but then I asked for help. Although I was there, I was lost. How can you get lost at the DMV? There are signs to help; right? Well, I was lost even though help was provided. Again, everything to me went by really fast! I’m still trying to process the environment of the DMV and the noises that came from people walking, talking, the sound of cars, etc. I asked the workers there or people next to me a lot of questions; they must of thought I was a psycho or really annoying because I ask them questions more than once. This was an experience I remembered vividly while recovering from a TBI because it felt different for me. Again, I was lost. I was figuring out life all over again from Day one. Questions in my mind were; how do other people talk, dress, eat, etc. These were the ongoing questions in my mind. Observing other people was probably one thing that I did a lot hoping that I could learn a thing or two from them. I did not know any better. This TBI was an experience that I did not sign up for. At all. I just went through it. The only scar noticeable was the stitches on my broken right wrist, elbow, and a trachea mark on my Adam’s apple. Besides that, I looked perfectly fine. You couldn’t tell about my injury unless I told you. The real battle was inside of me with my brain recovering. This was the scar that I dealt with but would change my outlook on life forever.

I began to become more tired than usual, information took me time to process, I could not communicate what I wanted to say, had difficulties socializing with people, and I was unsure most of the time when decisions or questions were asked. People would come up to me and ask questions. To be honest. I did not want to answer them because I felt uncomfortable or scared to respond. I don’t know why but I just did. Is there like a YouTube tutorial on how to live as a person? As foolish as that might sound, I ended up typing those words into the YouTube or google search bar because I was lost; especially on how to conduct myself or live during my recovery. Anyone? Please? My brain was still recovering. During my recovery process in public, when I would engage into conversations with others, people laughed, I’d laugh too. I don’t know why, I just played it off or was lost at what people were talking about in our conversation. I do not know what I was doing at all. Thankfully I had my family beside me for support but would people, who did not know about my injury, look at me differently? Would people behave in a way that made me feel accepted or dumb because of my injury? Would people become impatient because I did not respond in the manner that they wanted me to? I had those thoughts while recovering from a brain injury or in conversations I had with others to look for acceptance because I felt like a brand new person in my body; my brain was damaged and I’m here trying to fix myself. Really. I’m trying. I did not know how to conduct myself with a TBI. I honestly did not know how. While recovering, people mistakenly look at me and say, “Isaac does not have a brain injury. He looks fine.” But I was not. This Serve TBI is known as the invisible injury for a reason and takes time to heal from the internal bruises. I wasn’t injured on the outside except my broken right wrist; it was more so on the inside of me that I had difficulty with. This injury is not like breaking your ankle, wrist, falling down, etc. A brain injury is fragile. It is different because the human brain heals differently than other body bruises. It takes time, years, and sometime it is permanent for TBI survivors. I can not emphasize that enough. It takes time! There is more to it than what meets the eye. When jokes were told to me during my recovery, I did not or partially understand. When I did not understand, I’d played it off again and laughed or would not respond. Some jokes were acceptable and some were not. I came across people making jokes about brain injuries during casual conversations I was in or they were trying to be funny. Why? Because I had one? I don’t know the reason or why would people joke with that but it happened. I was definitely not feeling the jokes about Brain Injuries.

One incident that I recall with someone that I knew, was when I was asked to solve a riddle. I’m still recovering as a TBI survivor nor has it been 5 years since my car accident and I’m not able to answer anyone unless they were my therapist, doctor, or a family member. The person was aware of my injury. I forgot the riddle but remembered the feeling it left me. The answer was simple. I was trying to figure it out, using my brain, to the best of my ability despite my TBI to find the answer but then gave up. They revealed the answer to the riddle and explained it. They said something along the lines of, “Isaac. You don’t get the riddle? It’s common sense.” Then laughed it off. Wait. Stop. Was it really funny that I could not solve the riddle? Their statement strikes a nerve in my heart; let alone their laugh. I felt beaten down. I’m not an emotional person but on that day made me one because of what they said. Was it funny that I did not get the joke on my first attempt? Did they not know what a TBI is? Or do they view a TBI as just a regular injury that will eventually heal over time. Do they know that the estimated time for a TBI survivor to recover can be up to a long or life term? Again, my TBI was severe. Another incident was when people made my injury into a joke. THIS IS NOT COOL AT ALL. Is it okay for TBI survivors to be placed in a joke? It’s been a few years since my accident, I’m still recovering, and everything in life is going well but then jokes about “Brain Injuries,” are talked about. I told them with all my strength in the tone of my voice, “Don’t ever say something like that again! You do not know what it is like to live with a TBI!” TBI is not something to joke with. It was not funny. At all. I ran outside to my car and wept. My parents came running outside crying and hugged me. A TBI is not something that occurs for a moment then disappears. The symptoms can be permanent. I fought with my life trying to return back ever since 3/23/12. This subject of brain injuries is really sensitive to me still. Maybe others thought since years passed since my accident, I should be okay now. Time heals? Right? Let’s just forget that I had a broken right wrist and a fractured back to deal with. I began to have flashbacks, depression began to really kick in, and I felt weak at that moment. At times I went to be alone and cry my heart out. I gave up. These statements made me want to punch those people who would joke and make comments about brain injuries because you can not say those things to those who are trying desperately to recover. At times I wanted to tell others, “You try going through a Brain Injury. You try to catch up with how life used to be for you. Go right ahead. You try! If you’re a family member or friend, are you going to help me fight this injury or just joke around with it?” Here I am trying to put back the broken pieces of my life together. I did not sign up for this! I really didn’t. My life was broken. I know that! I’m not the same as I was before but please bear with me. “Give me time. I’ll figure it out,” was the constant sentence replaying in my mind during my recovery when others would question me or put me in a situation that demanded an answer. These statements from others made me feel in the worst possible way ever. This statement made me want to commit, suicide. I wept whenever I was alone. I thought about suicide after reflecting upon my interactions with people during my recovery. “Isaac, just give up. What was the point of living if I cannot respond to people that way I used to? You can take all that pain away by just ending your life.” I had memory flashbacks with my encounter with those people. I remember word for word at what others said that made me feel depressed, lonely, and at times, stupid. It was not cool. At all.

I had difficulties with female relationships. I talked to 2 females after my car accident that knew little about TBI. I did not think it was relevant nor did I discussed it with them. One of them expected a lot out of me that I was trying to keep up. It drained me. She ended it but It left me depressed for some time but I eventually got over it. The other girl was a good friend of mines that we kind of knew it would not work. I learned from these two experiences. I do wish them both well. As of now, I am just focusing on myself and trying to be the best version that I possibly can be with these scars that I have.

Another moment in my life that I can recall is stuttering in my speech. I don’t do it now but during my early stages of my TBI recovery, I stuttered. I had never stuttered, while talking, in my life until after my car accident. Isaac stuttering in his speech? No way. I never imagine that I actually stuttered but I did. I was talking to my sister one day and had difficulties explaining and expressing to her what I was trying to say. It got to the point that I was speaking fast but then, I stuttered. Wow. I still can’t believe I did that. This injury is new to me.

As years passed, I held on to hope in God because I knew He would comfort me in my deepest times of pain living with a TBI. I just knew it. I was attending church more often with my family and surrounded myself with pastors and other Christians. My family supported me through my recovery. They encouraged, motivated, and inspired me to get better. I ended up moving with my family to Colorado to enroll in a Christian University. In 2019, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Music and minored in Biblical Studies. My college experience was amazing and life-changing. It was academically tough but I would not trade away my experience there. I’m grateful to the college’s Disability Center for helping me to achieve my Degree because they guided me through all my classes. My counselor Zach was my guy! He guided me through and made sure that I received all of the accommodations I needed in class. He made sure that I was on track with my educational plan and would offer up recommendations and resources to help me with school. I appreciate you bro. I met professors, friends, church leaders, pastors, and learned valuable life lessons. My conversations with them were building me up spiritually and with my injury. Originally from California, this new state opened my eyes to life but I’m not a fan of the snow. This experience gave me a new perspective about God, my life situation with a TBI, and formed a transition that I knew was the works of the Holy Spirit. At times, I forgot I had a TBI because I was too focused on God, His character, His promises, and was surrounded by Christians that encouraged me with my pursuit of Him. It was like me feeding off of their energy. Every time I went to school, I was in good spirit . I enjoyed it. I read Christian books and listened to sermons that affected my brain and sharpened my theology. It took me time reading books in school because it was a bit of a challenge trying to process it but I took my time and was determined. I was also greatly inspired by other students and observing their workflow when it came to academics. A friend of mines named Logan, was a beast in music. Even though I went up to him, most of the times, to help me with the homework. I’d mimic him and other students, ask questions, picked other student’s brain to the best way I can while building friendships. Our school chapel service was encouraging because we had guest speakers that were Christian that spoke light into me. I mean this can be counted as a form of recovery? Right? I’d like to think so.  

The Bible became more appealing as I try to relate it to my life with my TBI. I had tremendous amount of faith in the scriptures. I remember taking an Old and New Testament class. We studied characters and events in the Bible that blew my mind. God worked within people throughout the Bible that I would soon compare them to me. They were imperfect and had flaws of their own just like me. I had a TBI, full of anxieties, fears, doubt, insecurities but the more I prayed, study the Bible, surround myself with like minded people, think positive, I was at peace. I felt good in my spirit. I’m not going to lie. I soon began to pray, study the scripture more, listen to worship songs, have conversation with Professors, students, and pastors, that every time I was alone, I prayed to God that would make me feel at peace. Those suicidal thoughts no longer existed because I began to realize that God does have a plan for me despite my injury. Whenever I opened my Bible, read Christian books, gathered with church family, had positive conversations with people, listened to a Christian podcast, or spent time alone with God, my spirit was renewed. Forreal. I know this was the work of the Holy Spirit.

Some of the things that helped me during my recovery was creating positive practices. Those practices was to read often, listen to motivational podcasts, and exercise. One of the YouTube videos that I listened to during my recovery process was Eric Thomas. His testimony about facing hardship in his life was motivating and pushed me to use all that I have, like he did, despite my brain injury. “When life knocks you down, get back up and fight. Keep fighting. Keep going. You only lose when you quit.” was his saying. I took that to heart! I began to consider my physical limitations and pushed through all the adversity. It was extremely hard living with a TBI but I did not want to quit on the bright future that I can possibly have for myself! I did not want to give up on myself. I listened to ET’s podcast and YouTube every day over and over. I replayed him when I was at school during break or when I would walk around my neighborhood. I remember taking the city buss on the way to school just so that I can get build up my independency and slowly return back to my normal way of living. My family pushed and encouraged me. It helped. One of my favorite NBA legend stars was Kobe Bryant and his, “Mamba Mentality.” Kobe’s words were motivational for me. His mamba mentality always gave me a push to go the extra mile in my school work and during my physical therapy sessions I had; even though I did not personally know Kobe. His word through YouTube clips I watched, always pushed me. I listened to E.T and the Mamba Mentality YouTube clips all the time through school and while pursing other goals I set for my self. Their words sync right through me. Pursing my life goals with education is important to me because I wanted a college degree so bad but although I graduated, it was also difficult. I could not write with my right hand due to a broken wrist (this forced me to learn to write with my left hand), needed more testing time with exams in an isolated place due to a lack of concentration, and met with school tutors most of the time. My tutors were lifesavers. Deep inside me, I wanted to be successful in everything I did despite this TBI. Eric Thomas’ and Kobe Bryant’s words resonated with me so much. I had body injuries, negative thoughts, symptoms, a broken wrist, fractured back, but still never gave up on myself. Recovering from a TBI was hard but it made me realize that life is precious and to go after what I wanted to do the most. It helped me discovered that I have way more potential than what I thought I had. I’m telling you; I really took ET’s and the Mamba’s words to heart! Of course, this TBI injury brought me setbacks in life but I’m learning how to approach it properly one day at a time. I’m learning the importance of resting. Taking naps helps me big time! I always vent to God about this in prayer but I know I can get through any life situation with God by my side. He granted me another chance at life, therefore, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Maybe not perfectly but with the Holy Spirit, I can get it done.  

As the years pass, my mind began to become active, trying new things, and is always reminded that God’s plan for me was not to be over the night of 3/23/12. I’ve gotten better than before over time when it came to conducting myself. I remained positive throughout the years. It’s been quite a journey. It’s been quite a fight! It really has. Ask anyone with a TBI and they will say the same. Things that I still deal with that affects me is fatigue. I get tired fast but that could be because my mind takes on a lot affecting my brain. I want to do a lot, trust me I do, but my brain would remind me to take a break, slow down, or to call it a day. I’m not quitting. I’m just resting. Therefore, I just make adjustments and monitor what I allow myself to get involved in because it can take a lot out of me. I’m learning how to say no to others things or people. But nonetheless, again, I’m positive through every setbacks I face.

A few things that I want to do is to continue where I left off with my life. I still desire to have a family, pursue after my Master’s Degree, and want to help other Brain Injury survivors like me that faces life challenges. I’m doing all of these things according to my own time. Not in anyone else’s but in my own timing. In the past, I gotten a few people rushing me or telling me what I should be doing with my life. My answer to them, respectfully, is that I will do these things according to my own timing. Not theirs. I joined a support group that meets every month that really helps. In this group are Brain injury survivors and we discuss on how to live better with the difficulties we face. The battle of a TBI is my story. This TBI is my scar. This TBI changed my outlook on life. If I were to compare to my old life, this new life of a TBI gave me a new perspective. I’m more compassionate, gracious, determined, and humble than I was before. I’m approaching everything with careful consideration. It’s taking it one day at a time for me. Literally. Physical workouts contributes to my healing process too. I completed 40 miles walking and running for a Brain Injury Organization in 2023. I would have never thought that I would complete 40 miles with either walking or running but I did. Their fundraiser was good and I’m glad I took part of it. It has helped me out tremendously with monitoring my mind’s activities.

My Christian walk is so important to me now and has given me strength, awareness, and determination to become all that God has for me. God has a plan for me. Yes, I’m a TBI survivor but like Joseph’s story, in the Bible, what was meant for bad was meant for good. As of now, I am in place in my life in where I am taking my time in approaching life as it comes; creating relationships with others, seeking better opportunities, helping people, resting, and cherishing my relationship with God. I am better now than how I was 12 years ago and with my early stages of a TBI. TBI taught me the importance of my Mental health. I’m taking care of my mental health and doing everything possible to nourish, protect, and develop it because that is so important to me. I am focusing on what is best for me as I cope with this scar. I’m always readjusting, reevaluating, learning, wanting to become better, and is very careful in what I allow myself to engage in. I am aware of my limitations but I will always maximize my potential as I continue to live. I am active in my church, teaching the youth, and becoming a positive influence to others to the best I can. The Holy Spirit guides me. I can manage these scars on my body. I’ve become a learner and am constantly examining myself. I know I’m not how I was before but I’m always striving to do what I know I can with all of my strength, but most importantly with God. Maybe my car accident was for God to get my attention and He sure did. As I type this and reflect 12 years ago, God was not done with me. If you’re reading this, God is not done with your story as well. Trust and seek after God and watch Him work in your life through your pain like He did with mines. After all, God is holding me up and is still writing my story.

“Healing does not mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer control our lives.”-Anonymous.”

Isaac Falealili